Ultimate Relationship Guide by James Bauer, Discover His Secret Obsession

Updated Oct 2023

The Ultimate Review of "HIS SECRET OBSESSION" Book by JAMES BAUER

Updated Oct 2023

The Ultimate Review of "HIS SECRET OBSESSION" Book by JAMES BAUER

Read this in-depth report on the course from James Bauer to answer these questions:

  • What is the Hero Instinct?
  • Does the Hero Instinct work?
  • How do I become His Secret Obsession? 


A true relationship changer.


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Up where the mountains meet the heavens above
Out where the lightning splits the sea
I could swear there is someone, somewhere
Watching me
Through the wind, and the chill, and the rain
And the storm, and the flood
I can feel his approach like a fire in my blood

I need a hero
I’m holding out for a hero ’til the end of the night

“Holding Out For A Hero” – Bonnie Tyler

Hey, this is Jon from


Today, I present to you my Ultimate James Bauer’s “His Secret Obsession” review.

What Is This Course About?

We humans are all creatures of patterns – things we do every day, over and over again.

And this course is about revealing a pattern in a man’s behavior.

The whole course centers around the fact that we men have a biological instinct – a drive to thrive in certain kinds of situations.

What kind of situations?

Situations where we feel we can rise to a challenge, to seek adventure, to act as the hero.

And we won’t rest until we get the feeling that we are, in fact, rising to a challenge.

James Bauer calls this the “Hero Instinct.”

Want an extreme example?

A few years ago, the British psychological illusionist Derren Brown created the TV show “Hero at 30,000 feet”, featuring a young man called Matt.

Matt has a terrible fear of flying and is about to be confronted with the absolute worst, terrifying situation of his life – the pilot of the plane that he somehow managed to board gets sick during the flight, and nobody is there to help land the plane. Matt does not know that he is the participant in this real-life “Truman Show”.

Will he rise to the challenge to act as a Hero?

Yes, it’s a TV show, but I can assure you that the guy is not an actor. He has been unconsciously conditioned and trained over weeks before the big finale happening in 30,000 feet. (Note: If you ever have the chance to see Derren Brown live, by all means go get tickets! I’ve seen him in London, his shows are absolutely mind-blowing… But, I digress.)

So, obviously, the “Hero Instinct” described in James Bauer’s course is not about staging an aircraft accident. (Aren’t you glad now?! ;-)) 

And it’s not a “technique” or a “trick.”

So, what is it?

James Bauer describes it as a bridge.

A bridge between his desires and your desires.Would you agree that we are all magically pulled towards people who meet our needs?

So, if you give your man the opportunity to meet his need to be your Hero, you are creating this magical pull yourself.

If you don’t do this, the bad news is this:

He will find a way to get his need met outside of your relationship.Do you recognise these symptoms in your relationship?

  • Your man feels less passionate.
  • Less interested
  • And he doesn’t even know why?

If your man pulls away, continue reading to learn how James Bauer’s course about the Hero Instinct can help you.

How Is This Course Organized?

You’ve got two main parts:

Part I is called “How The Hero Instinct Works” and covers the theory. It consists of 11 modules, and you learn how to recognize the hidden patterns of the Hero Instinct.

Part II is called “How To Use The Signals” and describes how to put the things you learned in part one into practice. In 6 modules you discover specific applications and examples.

Also, James included his “Text Message Formulas” as a bonus.

And to get you started right away, you get the “7 Day Quick Start Action Workbook”.

Course Contents Overview

So, let me give you an overview of the contents of each module.

I need to keep this to the most important key principles for each chapter since there is just too much content to cover everything here.

Part I - “How The Hero Instinct Works”

The first part describes the “theory” of the Hero Instinct.

But don’t let the word “theory” put you off – James Bauer writes in a very direct and entertaining way, with lots of real life examples.

In this module you learn 

  • What the primary goal of the Hero Instinct is
  • What the three components are that describe the instinct
  • How to use them as a bridge to a man’s heart

To practice, James encourages you to use what you learn in this chapter by observing the men around you, identifying opportunities to trigger their Hero Instinct.

In the next module, James Bauer teaches you

  • Why men can’t tell you what they want most
  • Why do “normal” guys think they need to be a hero?
  • How you can tap into his limitless source of desire
  • How to channel his desire, make it feed into your relationship, and make it stronger.

Being able to give him this feeling is like giving him a precious, unique gift of incredible worth to him.

This module describes

  • The secret of instant transformation
  • How you can create this special kind of relationship that is based on purposeful intention to enhance each other’s happiness
  • How your happiness can become his mission

This has been one of the most important modules in Part I for me personally. The way James describes this male need to feel worthy touched me deeply. When I’m able to be a Hero for my wife Anne, I can open to her emotionally. And – the most important part – I like the version of myself that I find in Anne’s presence.

In this module, you learn

  • Why we are fascinated by things that are highly relevant to our basic needs.
  • How you can apply this “fascination principle” to capture you man’s undying love and emotion.
  • How you can become the one person in his life connected to his drive to feel that he has a purpose and that he has the power to succeed in that purpose.

Most importantly, you learn James’ famous “Deserted Island Signal Formula” – what it is, and how to apply it.

You will learn the different phases men go through in their life:

  • The Knight Phase
  • The Prince Phase
  • The King Phase

James teaches about manliness and the drive we have to provide, and how you can use that drive for the benefit of your relationship.

In the next module, James describes

  • How to present your desires to him in such a way that they trigger his drive to be a provider
  • How to show him a vision of the future that clicks with his need to win at gaining your approval
  • How to show him that he does not have to choose between you and the adventurous life pursuits his instincts call him to chase after.
  • How to use his desire to be your Hero
  • How to connect his provider instinct to his relationship with you

Also, you learn the three best fascination phrases – the special signals that are picked up by his male provider instinct.

The module ends with the five steps that will transform your man.

This is one of the most important modules in Part I.

In it, you learn

  • How you should never think of yourself as having “arrived.”
  • That your relationship never just stays the same – it’s always getting stronger or weaker.
  • Why men need incremental progress, no matter how small.
  • Why you should not play “hard to get”
  • How you can use “The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” to your own advantage.

Also, James teaches you what to do if you two don’t want the same things.

And – somehow this rings a bell for me, too – how to avoid your dates beginning to feel a little stale and predictable.

This module describes

  • How to create shared relationship goals,
  • How to make those goals meaningful
  • How to create a new and improved “Mixtape” for your relationship as a gift to your partner

Remember “Mixtapes”? I really liked James’ idea of an improved version of this old classic.

On our deathbed, all of us will judge our lives based on the impact we had on the people we care about.

This module shows you how you can create this impact:

  • You learn why communication is not enough.
  • Why feeling understood is what really matters.
  • How you can make him feel understood.
  • What he really means when he says “I want you to have my back.”
  • The difference between brilliant choices and deadly mistakes in certain situations in your relationship.
  • How you can influence him from within the sacred interpersonal space accessible only to you.
  • What the “X-Ray Question” is and how to use it to discover his hidden needs and desires
  • How to deal with conflicting desires

My guess is that this is the longest module.

Personally, I think the male need for “Feeling understood” cannot be overstated – again, it’s something that totally rang a bell when I was studying this module.

In this module, we are going even deeper. You learn

  • How to be open about yourself
  • How to go one step deeper than “Good communication.”
  • 3 Questions to ask yourself
  • How to be receptive as your guy reveals himself to you
  • How to acknowledge his need to impress

This module focuses on the one factor that determines whether or not your man feels connected (hint: it has something to do with vulnerability and shame).

Also, you learn about the “Damsel in Distress Signal” – the signal that had the most impact on the relationship with my wife.

Other than in books and movies, in real life, things don’t always go smooth. This module focuses on what to do if things go not the way you intended.

You learn what to do

  • If he misunderstands your sudden change.
  • If your optimism polarizes him toward pessimism
  • If you get scared and sabotage your own success.

Also, James Bauer covers two important methods:

  • The “Foot-in-the-door” technique, and how to get things rolling
  • The “I owe you signal.”

Other than in books and movies, in real life, things don’t always go smooth. This module focuses on what to do if things go not the way you intended.

You learn what to do

  • If he misunderstands your sudden change.
  • If your optimism polarizes him toward pessimism
  • If you get scared and sabotage your own success.

Also, James Bauer covers two important methods:

  • The “Foot-in-the-door” technique, and how to get things rolling
  • The “I owe you signal.”

Part II - “How To Use The Signals”

Now we are diving into the “real world” application of the stuff you learned in Part I.

James describes real-life applications and examples in great detail, making it easy to stick the concepts in your memory.

But don’t worry, there is no need to memorize all at once.

You can (and should!) pick one of the methods, focus on that one idea, and master it.

Then, gradually, you are making progress without feeling overwhelmed with all the options.

You know that you achieved mastery when you start designing your own signals, based on the patterns of the hero instinct you see all around you.

In this chapter, you learn

  • How to tap into the things that he is already fascinated with
  • How to create proximity and propinquity
  • 3 Practical examples

Also, James gives you a brief explanation of why this works (linking the practice back to the theory you learned in Part I).

This module describes

  • How “X-ray questions” give you an unfair advantage.
  • How they let you get inside your man’s mind and hear what he really wants
  • How to uncover the things he secretly wants more of in his life
  • How to pay attention to the kinds of goals and challenges that seem to light up his emotional world

Also, the module covers 5 example phrases you can use and a (kind of surprising) story example.

In module 14, you learn

  • How to use this phase and watch his eyes change as a fantasy blooms in his mind
    of how amazing the future could be with you.
  • How to open his mind to a new possibility – something special, something unique
  • 4 Example phrases

This module relates to module 7 in Part I.

In it, James Bauer describes

  • How to make “emotional deposits” in your relationship every day to grow and strengthen the bond you have with your man.
  • How each deposit takes less than 10 seconds.
  • How making these simple deposits cut the chance of separation in half!
  • 6 example phrases

This module describes this influence strategy, relating to Module 9 of Part I.

You learn

  • Why men have a strong desire to appear consistent.
  • How you can use this to your advantage
  • Several example phrases
  • A real life example

The final module in Part II teaches the most impactful signal that you can send to your man.

James Bauer explains

  • How to tap into a man’s natural protective instincts
  • How to switch him into “Serve and Protect” mode
  • How to recognize his strengths and abilities in real time, without giving up your confident, capable and empowered way of living as a woman
  • 4 Example Phrases

Most importantly, James covers several examples that will not work, and another real-life story to illustrate the signal.

Additional Bonuses

“His Secret Obsession - Text Message Formulas”

This bonus training enhances the contents from the main course.

In 5 chapters, the “Text Message Formulas” training covers how to apply the core principles of “His Secret Obsession” through text messages.

Here’s a brief overview:

Chapter 1 explains

  • Why you can use texting
  • What the four word-text message is to get the passion back
  • Why you should not directly ask him to pay attention
  • Why curiosity is so strong

Chapter 2 focuses on “Curiosity Phrases,” and how you can use them regardless of the “Stage” of your relationship:

  • How “Curiosity Phrases” can keep him engaged
  • How to use them in the “Getting to know you” phase
  • 12 Example Phrases to let him into your inner world
  • The formula how to use them to strengthen an existing relationship
  • Additional 6 example phrases
  • How to put the phrases into use

Chapter 3 is called “How To Create Curiosity Triggers When You’re Apart.”

Getting his attention when you’re in the room is just half the battle.

You want to be unforgettable!

You need him to keep thinking about you when you’re in the next room. Or at the opposite end of the city. Or when you’re halfway around the world. 🙂

You learn

  • 3 Example Phrases
  • Why you should be careful with these curiosity triggers
  • The difference between holding back information and being manipulatively vague

Chapter 4 is named “Texting Your Life Story”

Doesn’t “Life Story” sound too extreme? It isn’t really. You learn

  • How you can text about unfolding events in your life and get him hooked on finding out what happens next.
  • How you can present regular “dull” life events in the right way.

Chapter 5 – The “Curiosity Question Master Formula”

This chapter ties everything together into one easy-to-remember formula.

Use this simple, proven formula to write text messages that awaken his Hero Instinct, every day.

7 Day Quick Start Action Workbook

Now, I’m not going to lie – the contents of this course are massive.

There is a lot to digest.

So, James Bauer included this “His Secret Obsession Workbook” to get you focused and started quickly.

It leads you through the chapters over seven days, so you don’t feel overwhelmed. But – of course – you can take whatever time you need, there’s no need to do this in 7 consecutive days.

As an added bonus, there’s a “Vocabulary Review” quiz, to check whether you know all the signals.

Finally, there are the 5 Master Steps you need to follow to awaken his Hero Instinct.

Audio Book Version

If you prefer listening, James includes audio versions for both the “His Secret Obsession” main course as well as the “His Secret Obsession – Text Message Formulas” bonus training.

You can download them easily, and put them on your favorite device, so you can listent in the car, during your work out, or whenever and wherever you want.

What Am I Getting?

You might be wondering – “Okay, that all sounds great – but what am I actually getting for my money?”

Here’s the answer:

“His Secret Obsession” is an online course. That means you have lifetime access to all the contents from anywhere in the world, anytime, via a web browser.

In addition, you can also download all the contents to your computer, your smartphone, your tablet or your e-book reader.

And: There is no limit to the number of downloads, so you may put them on all of your devices if you want.

Here’s the detailed list of the five products that are included:

How Much Does It Cost?

UPDATE October 2023:
James Bauer is currently running a promotion for “His Secret Obsession” for an incredible 76% discount.

You can get instant access to everything for a one-time, single, secure payment of just $47!

Is It Safe To Purchase?


This is a serious product, sold in a trustworthy manner via ClickBank, the digital marketplace where thousands of other vendors sell hundreds of thousands of products every day.

There are no hidden fees.

You will be charged a total amount of $47, one-time.

You will not be signing up for a spammy subscription that charges your credit card every month, or anything similar.

This is safe.

How do I know? Because I’ve tested it for you. See below:

How Do I Order?

There are only three steps you need to follow:

Step #1

At the bottom of this page (the one that you are currently reading), click the “Yes, I want this” button. 

(What special offer, you ask? I will tell you in a minute 😉 )

Step #2

This will bring you to the “His Secret Obsession” website.

Scroll to the bottom of the page, and click the “Add to Cart” button.

Step #3

You will see the checkout page. It will look like this:

Enter your email address, and your credit card information.

Check that everything is correct, and then click the “Pay Now” button.


What Happens After I Order?

It will take a few seconds while your purchase is being processed.

Then, you will see the payment confirmation page.

Below the “Order Confirmation and Customer Receipt” header, you see the details of your order, and – most importantly – a big

“Download or Access Digital Product” button.

Click this button.

It will bring you to the James’ private membership area.

You have now immediate access to all the modules, you can download the e-books and audio files, and you can request help if you have any question or problem.

You will also get the same order confirmation via email – this email also contains the “Download or Access Digital Product” button, so if you close your browser, just open this email and click on the button there.

And that’s it. Easy, right?

What If I Don’t Like The Course?

Good question.

The short version is: There is absolutely no risk involved.


You have a full 60 days period to experience the effects that the Hero Instinct has on your man and your relationship.

James Bauer gives you a “100% No Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee”.

So, you have more than enough time to read and listen to all the contents, put them into practice and experience how your man is rising to the challenge to be your Hero.

And if you are not 100% satisfied with the results, just contact James’ support help desk via email or directly in the membership area, and ask for your money back. Easy.

How do I know that this is really true?

Because I tested it. And I did get all my money back.

Note that I didn’t want to screw James – I have bought lots of courses in the past, and will continue to do so. But as part of my review, I wanted to know whether the 100% refund guarantee is legit. And – it is! Check out my refund confirmation – a couple of days later, the full amount was back on my credit card:  

Also, get this: There’s nothing you have to send back or delete from your devices. If you ask for a refund, you can just keep any files that you downloaded, anyway. 

So, you really have nothing to lose. How’s that for a generous guarantee?

What If I Have Questions Or Problems?

James has a 24/7 email support help desk to answer all your questions related to the course.

And guess what?

I’ve also tested this, and got a response within 24 hours.

Great customer service!

Will This Work In My Relationship?

Another good question.

And according to the testimonials I read on James’ website, there are women from all over the world having success with what he is teaching:

But, since he’s the author, you kind of expect this on his own website, right?

So, what can I tell you about my own personal experience?

After working my way through the whole course for this review, I gave “His Secret Obsession” my wife Anne to read.

And – she totally loved it. And she tried some of the Hero Instinct techniques on me. But – get this: Even though I recognized it and knew what she was doing, it STILL had an effect on me. Amazing.

For instance, when she was giving me some “Amsel in Distress” signal – I recognized it. I knew the pattern, the technique – simply because I read the chapter a few weeks ago. But I still had to “save” her from carrying and assembling that freaky Ikea HEMNES chest of drawers… And it was giving me incredible joy.

Or, she keeps sending me text messages that spark my curiosity. Again, I realize what’s going on – and I STILL want to know what she means.

And many other, more umm… private things that I’d rather not talk about in public 🙂

Nothing makes me happier, and – yes, if I’m totally honest – turns me on more than knowing what I can do to make my wife happy.

And after reading “His Secret Obsession”, Anne knows what she has to do to let me be her hero – all while allowing us both to enjoy the process.

How To Be Irresistibly Attractive

Do you know what men find irresistibly attractive in their partners? – Decisiveness!

You now have to make a decision:

Will you take responsibility to recreate the loving, fulfilling, magical relationship that you and your partner truly deserve?

Or will you let this chance pass, click away, and just carry on with life as usual?

Listen, I genuinely want you to experience what the Hero Instinct can do for your relationship.

So, let me make this special offer to you:

What’s The Special Offer, JON?

When you click below and purchase “His Secret Obsession” today, I will personally give you the exclusive Couplific “My Magic Minute”  program (normally selling for $67) for free! 

You learn the special healing meditation exercise that you can do daily, so you can focus on the good things in your relationship, and further strengthen them.

It only takes a few minutes, but it gives you an incredible emotional boost for the rest of the day. One of my mentors taught it to me, and I’m doing the exercise myself every morning!

The voice and the music will trigger your mind and remind you to be grateful and mindful of all the joyful, enchanting and intimate moments in your relationship.

So, how do you take advantage of this special offer?

Just purchase “His Secret Obsession” by clicking the big button below, and then contact me and email me your ClickBank order number  – and I’ll add you as a new “My Magic Minute” member right away. (You can find your order number on the ClickBank confirmation page or email.)

Why am I doing this?

Well, if you purchase “His Secret Obsession” through my link, I’m receiving a small commission which helps me to keep this website running, reviewing more products and such. But that’s not really the point. 

More importantly, I truly feel with all my heart that you will find both “His Secret Obsession” and “My Magic Minute” to be the start of a new era in your relationship, like it was the case for so many other couples.

I hope that in a few years, you will be looking back to this very day, the day when you made this easy decision to support your man become the Hero that he is destined to be for you.


What People Are Saying About the Programm

All these messages are from real customers who gave us permission to post them on our website.


He Will Form An Emotional Bond With You That He Has Never Experienced Before!

So what are you waiting for? Get your copy of His Secret Obsession right now and make your crush admit his feelings for you!

Special Limited Time Offer

An Incredible 76% Off The Original Price

Now Only $47


CLICKBANK online payment system is safe and secure. You can pay with either VISA, MasterCard or AMEX.All communications between you and the payment server are protected and encrypted by SSL.This guarantees that the information you inputted cannot be intercepted, providing you with peace of mind and security while making a payment.

Customer Review's

IT WORKED!!!!!!!! And it only took 24 hour for my man to start calling me ‘Babe’, and saying I love you again!. I paid for the online course via PayPal and I got result immediately. I was hesitant at first but I’m so glad I purchased His Secret Obsession. I’ve been reading it so intensely and the information in it worked.
Dear James, I have to admit you are so right. As women, we forget what talents we had going when we attracted that Man in the first place. Tried your call for help, at first it was more “ok what do you need?” attitude. But the flattery helped and he warmed a bit more. Next I tried the hint of how important I can be to his future goals. Wow, he jumped into my lap. Have to keep reading and try the next one! I just wanted to drop a line and let you know that it really was that easy. No talk of love or guilt or any mush. Just I need his help and at the same time I can help him. Thank You!
hanks, James! Letting my wonderful man know often how much I appreciate, trust and respect him does wonders. All the time. Every time. Very cool. The wonderful thing about “my ” love is I never used to tell him, and it is something he wants so badly. So our relationship is so much better. Even more awesome.
Dear James, I would like to thank you for what you have done for me. I was not expecting what I saw when I opened my computer the next day, after I had gotten in touch with Be Irresistible. When I saw what you had done for me, I started crying! I couldn’t believe it. Someone on the Internet, that I don’t even know, doing something like that, for ME! You gotta be kidding me! I was astounded and somewhat confused, but not for very long, cause I’m witty. I have never before in my whole life met someone like you on the Internet and I wanted to take the time to say Thank You James, Thank You. As the days went by, I kept receiving emails from you and your company but didn’t pay much attention to them, figuring it was because the people who take care of accounts hadn’t gotten the news to close mine yet. Then today, another email about the “Top 3 mistakes…,” that made me really curious. I decided to take a look and see what was going on and tried the password you gave me and it worked. It WORKS! I was able to log on to your site and take a glimpse at your work and I was so excited to see that I had access to all of that. I couldn’t believe it. I even had “His Secret Obsession” that was still there for me. Incredible! I called my mom to tell her because you know, this NEVER happens! I had already told her the beginning of the story and now THIS! I am so grateful and appreciative, I have no other words but Thank You, James. I wish I could say more because you deserve more. I wonder why, and maybe I’ll never know, but one thing is for sure is that I’ve never ever met anyone quite like you on the Internet, never! Thank You again, James, for what you did for me. I will forever remember this and remember you.
D. Sargent

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His Secret Obsession by James Bauer with a 60 Day No Questions Asked Money Back Guarantee.

If within the first 60 days of receipt you are not satisfied with His Secret Obsession by James Bauer, you can request a refund by sending an email to the address given inside the product and we will immediately refund your entire purchase price, with no questions asked.

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